Tuesday, October 19, 2010

I think I may be back

So it has been months and months since my last blog. I have absolutely no idea what is going on with all of you guys. I am going to spend the rest of tonight finding out though. I am so sorry that I deserted you guys I just had to get away from everything ttc related for a while. I just couldn't do it anymore. Everything was just overwhelming me. So I took a break. I didn't plan to take a break I just did it. I just stopped everything, stopping blogging, stopped talking to my girls on bbc, stopping ttc, stopped everything.

I guess I should go way back and fill you guys in on what you missed.

First off my sister had her baby. She is amazing, beautiful, wonderful, and my sister is a fantastic mom. I got to be there when my beautiful niece was born and it was like nothing else I've ever experienced. My sister was a natural at child birth. She only had to push for about 5 minutes! Can you believe it? I was just in awe of her the whole time. All in all it really was an amazing experience.

I also got a new job. I am still bartending but I now bartend in a four star hotel bar. The money I am making now is really amazing considering I haven't even graduated yet. I am just really happy and excited about it.

So that is the happy news. The bad news is that I was diagnosed as having PCOS. I think that may be the reason for my sudden ttc break down. I was actually pretty blindsided by the diagnosis. I mean I knew I had a few of the symptoms (acne, weight gin round my mid section, not being ble to get pregnant) but I always thought that it was because of DH's issues not mine. My periods are always so regular that I just never thought that it was a possibility.

I must admit I wasn't as devastated as when DH was diagnosed with azoo but I did cry at the doctors office, actually bawled is a more apt description. I was so embarrassed but there was no way of keeping it back after all we have been through.

Since then my sister (not the one who just had a baby) has also being diagnosed with PCOS. She isn't even ttc. She just passed out at work one day, was rushed to the hospital, only to find out that one of her fallopian tubes had collapsed, due to a large cyst on one of her overies.

The doc put me on metformin for the PCOS and thyroid meds for the hypothyroidism. Oh ye, did I mention that I also have hypothyroidism? sigh. I don't seem to have much of a reaction to the metformin alone I don't think, but the thyroid meds are awful. They make me dopey and hyper, jittery and tired, they are just terrible.

I did one round of clomid + progesterone (while also taking the metformin and thyroid meds) a few months ago with just timed BDing. It didn't get us pg but it was a success in that it did make me O. I did have some pretty yucky side effects with the clomid as well. It was fine at first but after O it gave me the worst hot flashes which lasted for months. I also had the worst PMS of my life. It was terrible, I was an emotional wreck for about 4 days. I felt pretty sorry for poor DH after that.

So after that we took about 2 months off. No ttcing at all.

Now we are considering an IUI. Since the clomid didn't treat me that well the RE is going to let me go strait to an IUI with injectables.

I am not really sure what I want to do now though. I am not sure if I really have what it takes to try anymore. I am exhausted emotionally. I just feel so much happier when I am not ttc. DH does not understand this at all. He is frustrated that I have completely given up on ttc naturally. What he doesn't seem to understand is that it is impossible. The RE said that without meds he gives us less then 1% chance of conceiving naturally. I mean that's nothing. That means it's impossible. The emotional wear and tear of the bfn's every month are too much to take when the chances are not there. Dh's answer to this is "you never know, miracles happen", my answer to that is "you watch too many movies".

So now I am just debating on what to do. To try or not to try, that is the question.

I don't even know if anyone will read this now, it's been so long. But if you're out there reading this please let me know you're there nd how you are. I miss you guys.


  1. I'm glad you are back! I have you on my reading list, but hadn't seen anything from you for awhile so I checked a couple weeks ago to see if it just wasn't updating and sure enough you just hadn't been writing. It sounds like you've been going through a lot since your last post- hopefully you've found some peace with your diagnosis and are moving forward. I also was diagnosed with both boarderline pcos and hypothyroidism- I have to agree I am pretty much over both of those meds too.
    Good Luck with your up coming IUI cycle!

  2. I have been following your blog too, waiting for you to write, Your success stories about HCG and higher sperm count really has me hopeful with my DH. Sorry to hear about the PCOS. You will be in my prayers and I really hope IUI works first try. :)

  3. Glad to see you back Sarah. I was at the same place as you after going thru our failed IUI's. I just wanted to give up. But then we got our miracle! The RE said she will never say never, but also gave us a 1 in a million shot of doing it ourselves. Don't give up. Try the IUI and you may get your miracle too!

  4. I'm here reading. Glad to see you are back!!!

  5. Sarah,

    I have been checking back on you often since you "disappeared." Imagine my elation when I actually saw a post today. Reading your story was a huge help for me in getting through my infertility. Knowing that there was someone else out there going through what I was going through.

    I think I mentioned to you that I was also given a less than one percent chance of conceiving naturally. My husband had testicular cancer and a VERY low sperm count. They also told me that I had PCOS (the acne, lack of ovulation... sounds similar, huh?). I started taking Vitex and that helped me a lot on the ovulation front. My husband was taking "Fertility Blend for Men" vitamins. I got my HSG and less than 2 weeks later I was pregnant. My miracle baby was born Aug 19th.

    I don't want to get your hopes up too high, but I am still HIGHLY recommending that HSG if you have not had it.

    SOOOO happy to see you back.


  6. Wow, thankyou so much guys. I'm so happy to see you guys are still here. I was expecting to write and have everyone be gone. It makes me kind of teary eyed to see all of your comments.

  7. Sarah, i have a question. Did your Dh still feel bad on HCG or did it make him feel better. My DH has been on 10,000 units each week for 5 weeks and still feels horrible.

  8. Sarah! Glad you are back. I have you on my reading list and was happy to see you on here. I am also not blogging much, but I do try. Hang in there, stay positive, and know that a lot of people care :)

  9. Sarah, I am so glad that you are back. I have been checking your blog periodically. Been thinking of you and glad that you 'checked' in.:)