Monday, February 22, 2010


He this week has been semi eventful. I say semi eventful because there have been a few actual events but there have also been emotional ones.

First off, the actual events. I went with my sister to the doc for her first official ultrasound. I have to tell you, it was an extremely emotional experience. At first I wanted to go because I thought that it would be nice to be there for my sister and to hear the heartbeat. What I didn't bank on was how crazy it would make me feel. I was in the waiting room while she had her preliminary pap smear done and it hit me that this was going to be my first experience with an obgyn relating to pregnancy. I suddenly thought about how this was going to be the first time I would actually hear a baby's heartbeat, and I kind of freaked out. I suddenly had the urge to run. To make up some excuse as to why I had to go outside and miss being there. I had no idea I would feel so strongly about it. I have heard people talk before about how hard it is to see other people get to be pregnant while dealing with IF but so far I have dealt with it pretty well, this was different.

So I fought the urge to run, and I am so glad I did. I don't think I will ever forget it. It was so amazing to see that little baby. I had no idea that it would look so much like a baby already. I also had no idea how amazing it would be to see my sisters face light up in awe like that. I am so happy that I got to share that with her.

I can't say that her girlfriend felt the same way about me being there. She actually seemed incredibly mad that I was there. I also read on my sisters facebook that her fantastic day quickly dissipated after she got home. SO I imagine that they got into a fight about it. I am so sad for my sister that this is happening to her. I am starting to realize that her girlfriend is just not treating her very well at all. I wish that there was something I could do. It is a pretty helpless feeling.

So onto the more emotional events, as if that wasn't one of them. Dh and I have been fighting a lot since we decided to buy a house. It seemed as though DH was having misgivings about the whole thing although he never said so. He would just be moody and almost mean to me. So this went on for about a week and a half when I finally lost it and we got into a huge blow out fight. It turned out that DH felt like I thought of this as my house that he was going to be living in since the down payment was a gift from my father. I was really shocked. We had talked about how my Dad was going to do this for years before hand and he had never said anything negative about it. SO after we talked and I explained to him that I don't think of anything as only mine, that we are married and everything we have is communal, he calmed down. Now he is really happy about the whole thing, and we are getting along great! Isn't it funny though how one person can be thinking something so completely opposite from the other?

After we talked, like really talked, lots of other things came up too. Like I found out that since we have been going through the IF process that DH has been wanting children more and more. This was a real breakthrough for us because I one point DH wasn't even sure he wanted children at all. So to think of him longing for this as much, or even close to as much was an amazing feeling for me. We took a walk around an area where our restaurant was the other day and DH wanted to stop and watch the children playing with the fountains, it was so great. We even spoke about how since this process has been so hard that he was even hoping, as I am, that we could possibly have twins. He even went so far as to suggest triplets, which I am hoping was a joke, lol. He also mentioned the fact that he is no open to the possibility of IUI's, which was always a no go for him because of the fear of having twins. Not even the money issues that I mentioned put him off. I was ecstatic!

So it has been quite a week. I honestly couldn't be happier. Now we just need some good news next week on DH's SA and we will be overjoyed!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Change of plans

So we are moving forward on the house. We signed the contracts last week and I did the walk-through today. There was really very little wrong with the house, just a few scraped walls and some clean up issues, nothing that couldn't be easily fixed. I am going back tomorrow with blue painters tape to mark off any area's that I see paint chips or just places that need touch ups.

I went shopping for furniture today as well so that is always fun. I found a really nice bedroom set that honestly has enough furniture to fill the master and provide some for the guest bedroom. I can't wait to get shopping for real next week!

Now on to ttc news...

We have an appointment with Dr. L in about two weeks to see where DH's sperm levels are. I am super nervous about this appointment because it will be at the four month mark. Dr. L said that we should be on track anywhere from 3-6 months so this should be a really good indicator of where we are and where we will get.

Also I can't remember if I had mentioned it previously but we had decided to put ttcing on hold for this cycle and next no matter what the SA results where. This month is already super stressful with the new house and the move so it wouldn't exactly be an ideal time to find out I was pregnant. Then if I got pregnant the next month we would have a December baby and DH and I thought that we would rather just wait if we had the choice. So here is where life gets in the way of good planning, lol. I called the pharmacy yesterday no refill DH's presciption and the nurse tells me that they are no longer carrying the generic hcg. The company that they get it from was out of it and they decided that the name brand company was more reliable.

So ok I can understand this logic but the name brand one is much more expensive and comes with only three weeks worth of medicine. So since the medication is now going to cost a hack of a lot more then we previously thought giving up two cycles doesn't sound as smart as it once did.

Unfortunately for me it is slightly late this cycle to realize that. I will be Oing tomorrow. We are going to give a a good college try tomorrow but I highly doubt that someone who more then likely has a pretty low count would succeed with just one try.

SO I guess that after our appointment in two weeks then we can reevaluate whether or not we are going to try and skip March or not.

For now though I am feeling really good. I love our house and I can't wait to move in!

Sunday, February 14, 2010


So as many of you may remember my sister and I have had some issues lately. I wasn't exactly happy about the fact that she recently became pregnant under less then favorable conditions. We have, since then, primarily worked it out. We are talking again, even though it does stay slightly politer then usual. We have made dates to hang out, though for some reason or another it always seems to fall through. We haven't had the make up talk yet, but I feel pretty confidant we will. All in all the situation is resolving itself.

The problem I am having now is with her girlfriend. We all work together, my sister, her, and I. Things at work have become literally intolerable. For some reason her girlfriend has decided that she hates everyone we work with including me. We have had no explanation as to why that is and no efforts to fix the situation have even come close to working. I really don't know what to do at this point. She is just so increadably rude and mean to everyone at work. It is making being at work like torture. I have tried to talk to my sister to try and find out what is going on but she just says that she doesn't know. I haven't even tried talking to her myself because she looks like she could snap and go mental on anyone at any second. The only thing that I can fathom is that she is upset that bits of information have leaked through and eventually gotten to everyone else at work but that doesn't seem like enough of a reason to be this excessively mad.

I should mention at this point that my sisters girlfriend and I have been practically best friends for about 10 years, and that since she has been dating my sister that we have become more like family lately. The same goes for my work, we have all been there so long that we all think of each other as family. So if she had issues I would think that she would want to at least try to work things out at some point, but apparently not.

We are all kind of hoping that she quits at this point but that wont stop me from having to have her in my life even if it stops for the rest of the staff.

If anyone has any advice or perspective I would greatly appreciate it.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010


Thank you so much to Elise who gave me this award. Please check her out at she has been through an amazing journey of IVF and is now pregnant with her first child. She is very honest and optimistic, and is a really great read.

The instructions that go along with this award are as follows:
•Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
•Copy the award and place it in your blog
•Link the person who nominated you for this award.
•Tell us 7 interesting things about you
•Nominate 7 bloggers
•Post the links to the 7 bloggers you nominate.

Here are 7 interesting things about me...

1. I am from Britain and I am now living in the US. I moved here when I was about 11 years old, moved back when I was sixteen, then came back to the US when I was 20, and have been here ever since. I haven't been home in 7 years and I'm finally going to get to go in March! I can't wait!

2. I allow my DH to keep poisonous snakes in our home. Everyone says that I am crazy, including DH's parents. I know, I know, it is kind of crazy but it makes DH soooo happy so I just try to pretend that they're not there.

3. I have somehow made it through my entire life without breaking a bone, beeing stung by a bee/wasp/hornet, or spending one day in a hospital. Uh oh, I really need to go knock on some wood now.

4. I am a English lit major with a minor in studio art. I am still currently a student at the age of 29. I returned to college at the age of 27. I have no idea what I am going to do with this degree but it is my greatest ambition to write and illustrate a children’s book.

5. I am the oldest of 7 children! Most people can't imagine growing up with that many children in this day and age, but I loved it! I am so happy that we were such a big family growing up and holidays are amazing!

6. I am color blind. It is one in hundreds of thousands chance for a girl to be colorblind and I was the lucky one. This also means if I have boys that they will all be colorblind too...sorry boys.

7. I love to garden, but I have only had other people's gardens to tend to so most of what I have planted so far has been bulbs. I can't wait to get my own house so that I can plant whatever I want.

I would like to mention that I love to read other people's blogs. The ones that I do read, I read religiously. So for those of you that are on my list and many of you who I couldn't fit on here, thank you so much for writing. Most of you have no idea how much I treasure you.

1. Dana, whose whit and wisdom inspired me to blog in the first place

2. Baby on mind, who showed me what a blog could be

3. Brandles, who's struggle I have most identified with

4. Jen, who's optimism is contagious

5. Kelly, who has just had her first baby,

6. Resh, who inspires me to cook, when I forget how much I love it

7. Nikki, Who makes me laugh and cry when I read her blog

Please check out these blogs, these are some really amazing women!

Saturday, February 6, 2010

What's going on?

I don't really understand what is going on with me lately. For the last two weeks I have felt so overly emotional. Honest to god it really feels like extreme PMS. Have you ever gone through an extended period where your emotions seems to be overwhelming your actual feelings?

When DH was on the androgel for a long period of time I used to feel like this. The testosterone gel actually used to rub off onto my skin (I have looked this up online and asked the doctor about it and they both confirmed this theory). It was not enough to do anything bad to me except that it made my hormones, and therefore my emotions, just a little off. It took several visits to the doctor and a few anti anxiety meds to find this out btw. Not to mention several visits to the dermatologist to find out why I had suddenly developed acne.

Anyway, I feel like that right now, but with no explanation, WTH is going on?

Friday, February 5, 2010


So we are putting in a bid on our first house tomorrow. I am so nervous and excited! I can't wait to find out if this is going to be my home. I just LOVE this house, this is the biggest thing we have done since getting married and I couldn't sleep before that night either, lol.

Other then that the only other thing on my mind is my insurance company. After being charged an unexpected $750 for DH's MRI. I should add here that it was called our deductible, plus various other fees. I called the insurance company to make sure that my HSG was covered. They assured me that it was in fact covered at 100% and all I should have to pay for is my $30 specialist co pay. Ok so mind at rest right? Wrong! I got a call two days ago from the doctor explaining to me that according to our insurance company we will have to pay our deductible again (DH's MRI fell under last years deductible) and they will only pay 80/20 of the remaining amount. Since the total charge for the HSG is about $1000, that means about another $750 for us to pay, WTF??? I am so sick of our insurance company! I have never heard of anyone else having to pay anywhere near that much for a simple test! It sucks, if we have to pay that much I just wont do it. We have so much going on financially with this house and DH's medicine that I will simply have to forget about it! GRRRR

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

I am feeling strange, I didn't even know what to call this blog because I can't really put my finger on it. Maybe my hormones are raging a little more then usual but I am just feeling really overly emotional today. I keep feeling like I want to cry all of a sudden but I really have no reason why. Or maybe the reason is just bubbling under the surface, I'm not sure.

At the same time my body keeps feeling like I am craving something but I'm not sure what it is. Ever get that feeling, where you know you need something but you can't quite place it? I keep drinking in case I'm dehydrated or trying different things to it, but nothing quite fits.

I got a migraine today, my first one in a few months. I don't get them often but if I do it's usually on the day I get AF so I imagine it's a hormones thing.

Maybe I just got an extra boost of them today for some reason. I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow.

Btw, I am on the second day of AF's visit so no way these are "symptoms" or anything like that, lol.

Monday, February 1, 2010


I'm having kind of a crappy day. I spent all day filling out loan applications, never fun. My back hurts again, I pulled a muscle last week and aggravated it last night while I was working. My head hurts from all of the form filling. I was supposed to be off work tonight to rest it and that fell through. And to top it all off AF came today so I have cramps too.

All in all not the best of days.

The only positive thing that has happened today is that the nurse finally called me back and scheduled my HSG for 2/09/10, so in a week and a half. If that is a positive thing, lol.