He this week has been semi eventful. I say semi eventful because there have been a few actual events but there have also been emotional ones.
First off, the actual events. I went with my sister to the doc for her first official ultrasound. I have to tell you, it was an extremely emotional experience. At first I wanted to go because I thought that it would be nice to be there for my sister and to hear the heartbeat. What I didn't bank on was how crazy it would make me feel. I was in the waiting room while she had her preliminary pap smear done and it hit me that this was going to be my first experience with an obgyn relating to pregnancy. I suddenly thought about how this was going to be the first time I would actually hear a baby's heartbeat, and I kind of freaked out. I suddenly had the urge to run. To make up some excuse as to why I had to go outside and miss being there. I had no idea I would feel so strongly about it. I have heard people talk before about how hard it is to see other people get to be pregnant while dealing with IF but so far I have dealt with it pretty well, this was different.
So I fought the urge to run, and I am so glad I did. I don't think I will ever forget it. It was so amazing to see that little baby. I had no idea that it would look so much like a baby already. I also had no idea how amazing it would be to see my sisters face light up in awe like that. I am so happy that I got to share that with her.
I can't say that her girlfriend felt the same way about me being there. She actually seemed incredibly mad that I was there. I also read on my sisters facebook that her fantastic day quickly dissipated after she got home. SO I imagine that they got into a fight about it. I am so sad for my sister that this is happening to her. I am starting to realize that her girlfriend is just not treating her very well at all. I wish that there was something I could do. It is a pretty helpless feeling.
So onto the more emotional events, as if that wasn't one of them. Dh and I have been fighting a lot since we decided to buy a house. It seemed as though DH was having misgivings about the whole thing although he never said so. He would just be moody and almost mean to me. So this went on for about a week and a half when I finally lost it and we got into a huge blow out fight. It turned out that DH felt like I thought of this as my house that he was going to be living in since the down payment was a gift from my father. I was really shocked. We had talked about how my Dad was going to do this for years before hand and he had never said anything negative about it. SO after we talked and I explained to him that I don't think of anything as only mine, that we are married and everything we have is communal, he calmed down. Now he is really happy about the whole thing, and we are getting along great! Isn't it funny though how one person can be thinking something so completely opposite from the other?
After we talked, like really talked, lots of other things came up too. Like I found out that since we have been going through the IF process that DH has been wanting children more and more. This was a real breakthrough for us because I one point DH wasn't even sure he wanted children at all. So to think of him longing for this as much, or even close to as much was an amazing feeling for me. We took a walk around an area where our restaurant was the other day and DH wanted to stop and watch the children playing with the fountains, it was so great. We even spoke about how since this process has been so hard that he was even hoping, as I am, that we could possibly have twins. He even went so far as to suggest triplets, which I am hoping was a joke, lol. He also mentioned the fact that he is no open to the possibility of IUI's, which was always a no go for him because of the fear of having twins. Not even the money issues that I mentioned put him off. I was ecstatic!
So it has been quite a week. I honestly couldn't be happier. Now we just need some good news next week on DH's SA and we will be overjoyed!
Hello, It's Me
3 years ago