Sunday, March 7, 2010


I think I must be confused. I am so incredibly happy that DH's count has gone back up. I have been so excited that we have officially been given the go ahead to start trying again. For some crazy reason though, I have been thinking of reasons why we should wait. Reason one is that I wanted to lose a bit of weight. Reason two is that I always thought that it would really suck to be born in December. Reason three I stopped taking folic acid supplements a while ago when we stopped trying and you should really take them months in advance.

What am I doing? Why am I sabotaging myself? Am I scared that this might actually be a possibility now? Or am I scared of feeling that old sting of disappointment that I am getting used to feeling?

I think maybe deep down that I might have thought that this might not happen for us. That maybe I am scared of getting my hopes up again. If I do this, if I actually alow myself hope, I am putting myself back up on that precipice and I may fall. I am scared.


  1. Sarah - I'm with you on all 3 reasons... I had said I would stop "trying" for a bit, but actually all we are doing is not temping / OPKing so still a chance. Hoping by not really trying I won't get my hopes up. All are good reasons to wait if you wanted, but equally, they are not the end of the world and are no reason not to keep trying too. So confusing, isn't it. Sorry not to be a help but at least you are not alone!

  2. Sarah,

    I would say... don't wait. If you did you will always ask yourself:

    "What if I had tried last month?"
    "Would that have been my month?"
    "Was it really that important to lose 10 lbs?"
    "Why did it matter to me what month my baby was born in?"

    Don't want you to have any regrets.

    With love,

  3. Thanks guys, I think I agree with you. I am just scared of getting my hopes up again, but if I don't try I will never get anywhere, right? I just have to dive in feet first again and let the chips fall where they may.

    And apparently start talking in cliches, lol.