I think I must be confused. I am so incredibly happy that DH's count has gone back up. I have been so excited that we have officially been given the go ahead to start trying again. For some crazy reason though, I have been thinking of reasons why we should wait. Reason one is that I wanted to lose a bit of weight. Reason two is that I always thought that it would really suck to be born in December. Reason three I stopped taking folic acid supplements a while ago when we stopped trying and you should really take them months in advance.
What am I doing? Why am I sabotaging myself? Am I scared that this might actually be a possibility now? Or am I scared of feeling that old sting of disappointment that I am getting used to feeling?
I think maybe deep down that I might have thought that this might not happen for us. That maybe I am scared of getting my hopes up again. If I do this, if I actually alow myself hope, I am putting myself back up on that precipice and I may fall. I am scared.
Hello, It's Me
2 years ago