Sorry i haven't been posting much at all recently. I went about a week without the Internet because of the move, but apart from that I have been so busy with the new house.
Now that's out of the way, onto what has been going on with me.
If you can remember way back to my previous blog, we were debating on whether or not to "try" this cycle. Well, we decided to go for it, but it didn't exactly go as planned. First of all I had been planning on doing the EOD method of trying since DH's count is still kind of low. Well that method back fired big time. We tried to stick to the schedule but the first day we were supposed to try, we couldn't because DH had to work all day and I had to work all night and we actually didn't even see each other at all that whole day. So that was a bust.
On the second scheduled day we tried...and tried...and tried. Dh was just not going to "finish". I was getting sore and frustrated so eventually we just stopped. I have got to tell you guys I was so upset, and I did not hide this from DH. This led to DH being so upset with me that we didn't try the next day either, which admittedly was probably best because I was actually in pain from trying for so long the last time.
So finally it is the day of O and we tried successfully. I am pretty sure that it was too late though, all EWCM was gone by that point.
So our chances are slim this month. I have got so say though, what I was scared of has happened anyway. I am back on ff everyday, I am already counting the days, I am 5DPO btw. I am frustrating myself. I am back to being upset and negative about ttc. I wanted this time to be different. I wanted to be cool, calm, and collected like I have been these previous months. I swear that ttc is just not good for me. It makes me crazy, obsessive, and upset.
I need to get a grip.
Sorry that I have to come back after so long of not posting with such a negative post but this is how I am feeling right now, and unfortunatly this is typically where I vent.
Hello, It's Me
9 years ago
Hi Sarah. I was worried about you and wondering where you were.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, congrats on moving into the new house.
Give yourself a little bit of a break. You are going through 2 life events at the same time. House + Baby Attempts = HIGH stress level. Speaking as a person who is highly critical of herself, you are only one person and can only do so much.
I think I mentioned this to you before, but my favorite method of handling O time was to NEVER tell DH it was O time. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER. DH was always pleasantly surprised by my request for an interlude, and there was never any pressure to perform. Only I knew the truth. :-)
I have been where you were. I have cried over unsuccessful attempts because of too much pressure. I have been sore and spiteful and questioned everything I was going through.
Be strong. I totally get it. I am behind you 100%.
Prayers and baby dust!
-Melissa
Melissa, thank you so much, you have always been so amazing to me throughout my blogging process, I really appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I would love not to tell DH when i am Oing, but he always wantd to know. I think it puts extra pressure on him too, but this is the wa he wants it. I try to make as little a deal of it as possible though, by just kind of mentioning it offhand. I don't know...maybe next month I will try not to mention it at all and see what happens.
Thanks again girl.